Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Gift of memoir is on hold temporary, but it remains in my heart.

My beautiful white, blusher veil, fell delicately over my dolled up face. I was twenty six and marrying Ryan, the man I loved, but as I stood on the cement church steps, my body started to shake. Not knowing if it was the common “Cold Feet,” so many others have referred to experiencing before saying, I Do, or was I doubting, the decision I had agreed to over a year ago when he slipped the marquise diamond engagement ring on my finger? I began to feel claustrophobic, wiping my tears, I continued down the aisle to my groom, becoming a wife.   

Only seven months into our marriage, I felt stranger to myself.  Feeling like I had lost all significance in my life after giving up my passion, changing my name and moving in with my husband.  I took a leap back in time when I visited my Alma Mater, Eastern Illinois University in Charleston, my past feelings for my first love, turned NFL quarterback, surfaced and finding out if it wasn’t too late to have him back, encompassed my every thought.

Lost in life and unable to trust my gut, I turned to God.  I prayed, begged and pleaded for God to take over in my life. It wasn’t until then that I realized the significance in my life that was irretrievable had been forfeited for a reason.  Losing it all was the only way for me to become self-less and become open to receiving the most beautiful gift of grace.

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